And Nothing More
by ellabellbee
Summary: Amanda sorts through her desires. (written pre-show, based on all the promo materials.) Amanda/Stahma.


**Since the show hasn't even aired yet, this is all speculative. Based off quotes from interviews, the promos / behind the scenes, the first 14 minutes, and a LOT of guesswork.**

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There was a crowd of people in front of her, but Amanda could only feel the gaze of one. While the rest of the town's inhabitants cheered along with her words of encouragement and valour, one person stayed as still and white as the marble gods that used to line the streets of Rome.

Amanda had seen a statue in a museum, once, as a very small child, from just before the world changed. She remembered not much from that time, but she did remember the stone towering above her, the sunlight peeking through a skylight and enveloping the statue and young girl in a warm glow, and the feeling that she may never again see something so beautiful.

She clung to that image in the hardest of times: when the world was unsure, and then fighting, and then frightened. She remembered that one moment of peace and beauty from when life was about living and not just enduring.

And now, there, staring in from the crowd, the woman's features set and her eyes clear, Amanda sees it again.

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The crowds had dispersed and the immediate danger had passed, and in the darkness Amanda walked with no destination in mind. It was so rare that she ever gave herself time to pause, to think, to enjoy… and she almost missed sound of breath behind her.

It was easy to miss those soft footfalls, as the other woman didn't so much walk as glided, but somehow Amanda had trained her subconscious to pick out her gait, her breath, her – whatever it was that the Castithans emitted that made that woman so distinctly… _her_.

Amanda turned into an alley away from prying eyes, and the darkness was enveloping. Still, the other woman almost emitted a soft glow as she entered, her pale skin and white hair capturing and holding on to any errant light. Amanda waited. They weren't friends. They had barely talked. And yet; somehow, their orbits always aligned, each never able to quite escape the other.

The other woman spoke, her voice sounding like music, and Amanda had to struggle to pay attention to the actual words. "… he does not understand."

Her 'R's were perhaps a little too harsh and every word sounded like it was carefully rehearsed, but knowing what she did about Stahma, it probably was. And here she was, in the alley at night, negotiating with Amanda to give her family more than their due course.

No, negotiating wasn't the right word. She certainly wasn't apologizing or even trying to explain Datak's unruly actions. She was asking, no, _demanding_ that she be judged on her own merit. And while Amanda paused, trying to focus, Stahma took an extra step into her personal space, towering above her, looking down at her with those lilac eyes.

She _knew_ the Castithans didn't understand a human's need for personal space. She _knew_ that they used sex to get what they wanted. She _knew_ that she was being manipulated.

But for one hopeful second, when she looked up into the pale woman's face, she thought she saw desire that matched her own. Unconsciously, Amanda felt herself licking her own lips, and even in this darkness, the other woman's eyes dilated further.

It was nice to know that despite light years of differences, some things stayed the same.

Stahma was talking again and Amanda couldn't focus. She knew she was merely a means to an end, whatever that end might be. Amanda was the mayor. People came to her for these reasons. She should expect differently. And yet…

And yet sometimes she wished she could just surrender. Let in the emotions. Buy into every word her sister avowed about the true nature of humans and aliens alike…

To finally give into her desires. The **want**. Her **_need_**…

She could feel Stahma's stare and she finally realized she was not focused on the whole woman, but only on her lips, and was unable to recall what they had been saying. A small involuntary quirk appeared over those same lips, and she knew she had been caught. But even then, she couldn't invoke the desire to care.

No, her desires were otherwise occupied. She could feel it in the warmth of her cheeks, the shiver along her spine, the pooling of heat between her…

A noise startled them both from outside the alleyway and Amanda jumped back. She could see the amused smile on Stahma's lips, and Amanda couldn't decide if the disappointment she read was real or imagined.

The air around her was cooler, now, and it seemed to reawaken her sensible side. She gulped and shook her head, regaining control of her facilities. No. She was not her sister. She was not one to be taken advantage of, no matter how much she might want – no, _need_ it.

She exhaled, and with it, imagined exhaling her desire – though that may have been a mistake too. They all knew that Votans had superior noses, that they picked up on things that the humans tried to hide – but it was all she could do.

She nodded at Stahma, unable to answer whatever her earlier query had been, and stepped away. "Until our paths cross again," Amanda said, and she hoped against hope that one day it would be at a time when the other woman didn't want something _from_ her. That one day, she would only want _her._

Without waiting for a response, she continued out of the alley and back out into the world of Defiance where she was the mayor, and nothing more.

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**Comments are love. Thanks for reading!**


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